First off let me say that this is not about the Buffalo Bills. I’ve always said that the Bills are a well-coached team. They’ve got a throwing game, a running game and a kicking game. They can hold the ball, handle the ball and run up and down the field with the ball in their hands or under their arms. Give credit to the Bills for beating us back in 2003, but if you think this is about the Bills you’re an idiot, because this is about you.
You’ve got problems. You need answers. You don’t have time to mess around. And I’ve got five Super Bowl rings that say I know how to tell it like it is…especially when it is what it is. Assholes like Charlie Casserly and Tom Jackson will tell you it is what it’s not. They’ll say that I couldn’t care less about you and your love interests, diet struggles, financial woes, fashion concerns, garden pests, catastrophic injuries and whatever else is stopping you from moving the chains in your personal life. While they’re at it, they’ll say that my players hate me, that you should wear your underwear on the outside, and that Neil Rackers is a good sleeper pick for your fantasy football team.
You can listen to them and be a loser, or you can crack open this playbook and see where it takes you, like Tom Brady did. Does that girl in third period like you? Should you wear culottes after Labor Day? Is that thing in your yard a large beaver or a small hog? I’ve got a game plan for all of these questions — all you’ve got to do is ask.