Cry me a Rivers

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From PRivers17:

Dear Coach,

I was sitting at home the other night, watching a football show and practicing marital chastity, when I heard Chris Collinsworth going on about your close friendship with Charles Barkley. Then you came on the show with Charles Barkley and talked about all the “awesome” times you’d had together in Cleveland and Arizona! Coach, it’s bad enough that you use actual curse words when cussing out your opponents. But fraternizing with a recent convict who frequents brothels while driving intoxicated — that’s a luge run to damnation! I’ve been praying for your soul with Tony Dungy, but cowpies on the griddle Coach, you sure don’t make it easy on us! I hope those “awesome times” you talked about didn’t involve harlots! 

Worried,

Philip Rivers

From the Playbook:

Like I said on Inside the NFL Rivers, I respect winners. If those winners want to snort methamphetamines from the cleavage of lactating carnies while operating heavy machinery blindfolded, as Lawrence Taylor did on a regular basis, it’s not for me to pass judgment as long as it doesn’t impair their ability to win. Parcells once left a gutted moose on the hood of my Ford Escort after we lost to the Rams. Did I like it? No. Did it make me respect Parcells any less? Not as long as we were winning. So fuck you, Rivers. Let’s talk at the end of the year.

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