I never thought I’d hear myself saying this, but I hope you beat that fartface turd-burglar Tebow in the playoffs. I’ve been giving shout-outs to Jesus in my post-game conferences for years and no one’s calling ME “The San-Diego Saviour.” No one’s offering me lucrative endorsement deals and putting me on the cover of Sports Illustrated either. I went on YouTube talking about chastity while Tebow was still pooping up his Pampers and people called me a homo and a eunuch. Tebow does it and he gets elected America’s Favorite Pro Athlete! As for the Tebowing thing, ever since my NC State days I’ve been acting out the Passion of Christ at the line of scrimmage, but did anybody call it “Riversing” and start an internationally popular website about it? Not to my knowledge! So I hope you give that panties-sniffing doodyhead a wedgie for all the world to see this Saturday, even though I’m pretty sure you’re in league with Satan.
In your corner,
From the Playbook:
Your support means a lot to me, Rivers. It must be tough sitting on your couch this time of year, practicing marital chastity and thinking about another year in Norv Turner’s system. If Jesus loves you, he sure has a funny way of showing it. Anyway thanks for the note and all the best to the wife and six kids.