Last I checked Roy Scheider was dead.

Name: Deion

Hey Coach: This Billy Beane talk got me to thinking. If Brad Pitt played that loser in the Moneyball movie, who’s going to play you when your story finally makes it to the big screen?

From In Bill You Trust

Well I’m no Mona Lisa DeVito but if you need an extra in a funeral scene I’m your guy. But if Marisa Tomei is unavailable I guess we’ll have to go with this guy from Lone Survivor. We can’t get him off the field at big games and he keeps the offense in free burgers so I guess we’d better go with him.

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Let’s get him off the field and back to the acting game.

Don’t ever call me Billy.

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Of all the cheerleaders we’ve transitioned to the receiver role, Deion is one of the best.

Name: Deion

Hey Coach I heard about your website so I tried searching for it on Google with ‘In Billy we trust’ and all I got was a bunch of references to Billy Beane. What gives? What’s he ever won?

Glad I finally found your site so I can get some winning post football career advice!

From In Bill You Trust: 

Always good to hear from you Deion. You’re right about Billy Beane: He’s no Tony LaRussa and he hasn’t won anything — you know why? Because stats are for losers, especially when you call them sabermetrics and apply them to the Oakland A’s. Look, I’m not saying that the Oakland A’s aren’t a tough team. They can hit the ball, they can catch the ball, they can throw the ball and they really have no kicking game to speak of. But if you’re looking for a Bill to trust in the West Coast sports scene, you might be better off exhuming Bill Walsh. What was your question again?

Amnesia sneaks up on you.

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This I remember.

AUTHOR: Joe Fiasco

Hey Coach — why’d you suddenly resurface after taking 3 years off from the advice game? I got some clutch advice from Bills Playbook but when you stopped answering in 2012 I had to start getting my hints from Heloise.

From In Bill You Trust:

From what I’ve read about it, February 2012 is a month I’d rather forget. So it’s probably a good thing I got amnesia between then and February, 2015. When I woke up, I had a 6th Super Bowl ring and Parcells was on the line, saying, “Why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?”

Hold the chicken.


Dear Bill – Driving through Pennsylvania Dutch country recently and saw a restaurant advertising chicken and waffles. Is that in one meal? If so, do you eat it with barbecue sauce or with syrup? Thanks in advance! JS

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You don’t even want to see what Randy ate.

From In Bill You Trust: 

Funny you mention it, Moss once tossed me in the trunk of his purple Lexus after a Raiders game and drove to a chicken and waffle place in West L.A. I’m more of a PB&J guy, but Moss was so animated about it that I ordered a thigh and waffle platter and made him eat the chicken. Nothing wrong with breakfast for dinner but syrup on chicken? I’m throwing a flag.