Pink Stripes: Protocol observed

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Enough with the meth


Look Bill. Of course I told Chandler to go to the police. I don’t have the resources I did back when Lawrence was freebasing with hookers in Alphabet City. Remember: the press never caught on the 6 times I sent Moss  to the Foxborough P.D. and that weed was not synthetic. So lay off and let me watch this 12-part series on General Rommel I just ordered from the Smithsonian Channel.

From: In Bill You Trust

Can we at least stop Parcells from Priority-Mailing meth to the rookies?

It’s a good thing Goon knows how to do stitches

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This never happens when Tom drives me home.


Coach, It was awesome of you to hop on the bus to say hi to my family the other day. My bad for spiking that bottle of Mountain Dew so hard it hit you in the face. You know how you hear certain songs and you just have to party rock? It won’t happen again, I promise.

From: In Bill You Trust

I’m fine, Rob. But next time you offer me a ride let’s listen to NPR all right?


Just trying to win the game.

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When I golf, I hold the club upside down. It adds to the challenge. 

From: Floyd Samuels, Esq. 

Hey coach,

I heard you always win at picnic games, but you play by a different set of rules. Can you tell me more about how that works?



From In Bill You Trust:

Sure Floyd. In a tug of war, I usually hand the rope to the other side. It comes back to me anyway. It has to do with field position. Then in the traditional sack race, I tie my entire body in the bag and roll blindly toward the finish while everyone else hops. I don’t always like the way it turns out, but that’s the way I like to do it.

More unsolicited advice from Chris Simms

Name: Chris

Uncle Coach – You need to see “Pound of Flesh” starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as a retired commando whose kidney is stolen by Chinese organ thieves, but he needs the kidney for his niece so he has to go retrieve it before they put it in someone else.  Two thumbs up Coach!  Chris

From In Bill You Trust

Two thumbs up. How many spleens is that?