Hey, Coach, I’m the newlywed of a world famous quarterback from the steel mill area and you seem to have a lot of good advice about men/women relations. How do I get him to take his helmet off during sex? I mean, he was involved in a motorbike accident a few years back and wasn’t wearing one and got messed up real bad. That and the other concussions have him worried about his brain but it is getting in the way of major foreplay both behind and in front of the line of scrimmage as it were. Can you help me?
From the Playbook:
Saying “I do” to that guy — that’s probably a play you’d like to have back. Somewhere along the line, someone dropped the ball and there’s a lot of factors that go into it: parents need to parent better, teachers need to teach better, local newspapers need to report out-of-state news better. Forget about the helmet and invest in some protective gear of your own. Then wait until you’re sure all the wedding gifts have come in, pack them in a van, and move in with Tony Romo, preferably on October 29.
I can’t believe it’s really you. I’ve always wondered what kind of advice you give your players and I guess now is my chance to find out because i really need your advice. My girlfriend doesn’t like it rough but I guess I do because all of a sudden she is giving me the silent treatment. I did hear from her lawyer though. In fact I am writing this from jail. I don’t know if you’ve ever been through something like this before but the site says ask anything so I’m asking.
From the Playbook:
I’ll tell you what I tell my players: the horseplay must be consensual. Consensual horseplay is what happens when you’re a first ballot Hall-of-Famer pulling down 98 passes for 1,493 yards, you drink one too many Courvoisiers during your bye week, and you play Twister with a groupie. Barroom assault is what happens when you’re too ugly to get dates even after quarterbacking the Pittsburgh Steelers to two Super Bowl victories. Either way, chances are you will still end up in the playoffs. Then there’s what happens when you’re a disgraced former first-round pick who likes to pick up the tab by shoving your MasterCard down a waitress’s brassiere. When it’s like that, I like to take a wait and see approach. If you clean up your act and turn out to be the sleeping giant you say you are, and you remember to let Tom Brady pay the bill unless you’re at a Hooters, I’ll support you 100 percent and start you in the playoffs. If anything else, I’ll trade you for a third-round draft pick and wish you the very best in your new career with the Oakland Raiders.