Can’t beat costumes and candy

Randy-moss-as-spongebob

From TheRealRandyMoss81:

Coach,

What are we doing for Halloween this year? I booked the roller rink but I ain’t heard back from you yet about my costume idea. Just pick which one you want to be: Shaggy or Scooby. I got a deposit down already at the Big & Tall Store. Tom can be Fred, I got an ascot he can borrow. Vince say he’s going as Philip Rivers’ minivan. I’ma sew the Spongebob shirt up and use it as a treat bag.

From the Playbook:

Good call, Randy. I’ll let you be Scooby — animal costumes always get more candy. Right now I’m stuck in my car because I activated the child-lock somehow. According to the dashboard clock it’s 1998. If you’re still in the lot can you get over here with a Slim Jim? You’d think there’d be a button somewhere that says here’s how you open the damn door, but I guess that’s too much to ask from a Chevrolet Impala.

 

Philip Rivers on Derrick Mason controversy: Keep it clean

Bill-belichick-derrick-mason

From PRivers17:

Coach, I can’t believe you used actual swear words when cussing out Derrick Mason in that sideline video I saw the other night. Like every other Christian man in America, Derrick is struggling with the need to preserve his chastity, and you added to his burden by telling him to go f*** himself. You said it three times — I counted. Now I’m a fired-up guy and I’ll throw down with anyone, but when I do I always keep it clean. Just ask Jay Cutler — when I get up in his grill I say stuff like, “Hey Poopypants, you made a doo-doo in your diaper and Jesus hates you for it!” or “Nice toss, Tinkle-Trousers! You were aiming for the potty but you missed the whole outhouse!” How hard would it have been for you to say, “Yee-haw, Mason, my wee-wee is bigger than your wee-wee and you’re a fanny bandit for Satan!” People would have respected you more for it and Mason would have spent the rest of the game worried about his johnson.

From the Playbook:

Fuck you, Rivers. Why don’t we talk after the game, alright?