Clock management

230px-unabomber1

From SalFromAbingdon:

Coach, What was really going on when you were charged that second time-out at the end of the Pats’ loss to the Bills? To me it looked like you got charged a time-out you didn’t ask for because you were screaming at the officials for a good 90 seconds.

From the Sauna:

You can thank the morons at Chevrolet for that misunderstanding, Sal. When I drove the Impala to Ralph Wilson Stadium that morning the dashboard clock said it was August 12, 1995. I was slipping the official a cocktail napkin that said “I resign as HC of the CleBro” when he informed me that I had 103 seconds to win the game that was currently in progress, instead of sixteen years and several job changes as I’d originally thought. It was frustrating: I kept trying to explain to the official that with the Unabomber at large, he’d be better off handing us the ball for safekeeping, but he wouldn’t see it my way, even when I offered him a ride in the Impala.

Can’t beat costumes and candy

Randy-moss-as-spongebob

From TheRealRandyMoss81:

Coach,

What are we doing for Halloween this year? I booked the roller rink but I ain’t heard back from you yet about my costume idea. Just pick which one you want to be: Shaggy or Scooby. I got a deposit down already at the Big & Tall Store. Tom can be Fred, I got an ascot he can borrow. Vince say he’s going as Philip Rivers’ minivan. I’ma sew the Spongebob shirt up and use it as a treat bag.

From the Playbook:

Good call, Randy. I’ll let you be Scooby — animal costumes always get more candy. Right now I’m stuck in my car because I activated the child-lock somehow. According to the dashboard clock it’s 1998. If you’re still in the lot can you get over here with a Slim Jim? You’d think there’d be a button somewhere that says here’s how you open the damn door, but I guess that’s too much to ask from a Chevrolet Impala.