Now that I’ve doubled my production on the field, I’m looking ahead to my first TD celebration. How can I express myself without getting Bruschi on my case?
In my playbook,
From the Playbook:
You should get excited after you make a play, but not so excited that you hide sombreros in the endzone. If you roll the tape you’ll see that we encourage players to express themselves after putting points on the board. As long as you choose one of the following approved victory celebrations you should be fine:
Handing the ball to the official
The gentleman’s handshake, as seen above
High-fiving Pat Patriot mascot
Pointing at Derrick Mason, then at the scoreboard
Saluting Minutemen on sidelines
The Gillette Leap, demonstrated here
Dancing on opposing team’s insignia, preferably if LaDainian Tomlinson is on the opposing team
Coach, I can’t believe you used actual swear words when cussing out Derrick Mason in that sideline video I saw the other night. Like every other Christian man in America, Derrick is struggling with the need to preserve his chastity, and you added to his burden by telling him to go f*** himself. You said it three times — I counted. Now I’m a fired-up guy and I’ll throw down with anyone, but when I do I always keep it clean. Just ask Jay Cutler — when I get up in his grill I say stuff like, “Hey Poopypants, you made a doo-doo in your diaper and Jesus hates you for it!” or “Nice toss, Tinkle-Trousers! You were aiming for the potty but you missed the whole outhouse!” How hard would it have been for you to say, “Yee-haw, Mason, my wee-wee is bigger than your wee-wee and you’re a fanny bandit for Satan!” People would have respected you more for it and Mason would have spent the rest of the game worried about his johnson.
From the Playbook:
Fuck you, Rivers. Why don’t we talk after the game, alright?