Scaling back on the decorations this year.

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Caroling around the Gronk is a Foxboro tradition.

From Duane on the Cape:

Hi Coach!

I’m your #1 fan and a big Christmas guy so I’m wondering if you have any seasonal habits or traditions you can share with Patriots Nation? I noticed you’ve been slacking on the advice column lately and I hope that’s because you’ve been kicking back with the family, having an awesome holiday!

Cheers,

Duane

From the Playbook:

Christmas is a great holiday. It’s a lot like Halloween, but it’s colder and the sacks are filled with presents instead of candy. You’ve got the candy canes, the indoor tree, the blinking lights and those socks my assistant nails to the mantel while I’m watching game film of every team we could potentially face in the playoffs. Now that the kids are grown I’ve scaled back on the decorations. Bunch of wreaths and those icicle lights, a couple inflatable Santas. Once we had a creche out front and Parcells stole our Jesus. You don’t want to know what he left in there instead. That’s one Christmas I’d rather forget. But a great holiday, thanks for reminding me. I’ll enjoy it for awhile and move on to Buffalo.

Where there’s smoke, there’s the Tuna.

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Evil never retires.

From Armageddon Worried:

Dear Coach,

As the moral leader of the Patriots, how does it feel to have your players reaching up the skirts of unsuspecting women in order to grope their private parts? Clearly you’ve dropped the ball in the father figure department. And, according to Mike Reiss at ESPN, you’ve also “lost your fastball” on defense. What do you have to say for yourself? 

Prayerfully,

Tony Dungy

From the Playbook:

I understand your concern but you’re pointing the finger at the wrong guy.  Who do you think introduced Gronkowski to that hooker and Twittered their photograph all over the place? The same guy that brought Edelman to that club dressed as the cop from the Village People and spiked his Coors Lite with mescaline. The same guy who hazed rookies on those mid-’80s Giants teams by dropping them off in the Bed-Stuy projects in full pads and telling them to “clean up the trash.” How do you thing Lawrence Taylor got that crack addiction in the first place? It was Parcells, you moron. He’s everywhere.

Tell me something I don’t know

Imgres

Scott Pioli experiences success for the last time

From SPioli@KCChiefs.com:

Hey Bill – 

Just thought I’d drop you a quick email since our first meeting of the ‘BHB’ club (Boys that Hate Belichick) took place recently in Cleveland.

During the first hour Charlie C. kicked off the opening ceremonies with a bang (and some great stories about Linda!). Then Eric M spoke during the second hour on Spygate and everyone had a laugh about that first round pick that you lost. 

Unfortunately our founding father could not make it, but Arlen S. was able to dig up this video of you dressed as a pirate on roller skates. Boy you should have heard the laughter! I almost pissed my pants I was laughing so hard!

It will be hard to top this at next month’s meeting but hey, it is what it is.

Cordially, 

Scott P.

From the Playbook:

That’s quite a confederacy of losers you’ve got over there, Scott. I’m surprised you didn’t fly Matt Walsh out for the reunion. I guess he was busy in the bag room of the Honolulu Putt-Putt.  I’ve already seen the highlights of your secret meeting — you should have thought twice about holding it in the banquet hall of the Shaker Heights Holiday Inn. You of all people should know how easy it is to wire a camcorder to the ceiling fan in that dump. Didn’t think it could happen, but you’ve gotten even balder, by the way. As for Casserly, that toupee looks like he stole it from a weasel’s den. And now I know why they call Specter “Snarlin’ Arlen” — everyone knows there’s no free refills on blender drinks, but the guy kept screaming at the waiter for not topping up his daicquiri! He wouldn’t shut up about it — Mangini could hardly lisp a word in edgewise. Anyway, it was good to see you all, and I’m glad my pirate costume gave you something to smile about. It can’t be easy to look on the bright side with people calling you the worst team in football.

Can’t beat costumes and candy

Randy-moss-as-spongebob

From TheRealRandyMoss81:

Coach,

What are we doing for Halloween this year? I booked the roller rink but I ain’t heard back from you yet about my costume idea. Just pick which one you want to be: Shaggy or Scooby. I got a deposit down already at the Big & Tall Store. Tom can be Fred, I got an ascot he can borrow. Vince say he’s going as Philip Rivers’ minivan. I’ma sew the Spongebob shirt up and use it as a treat bag.

From the Playbook:

Good call, Randy. I’ll let you be Scooby — animal costumes always get more candy. Right now I’m stuck in my car because I activated the child-lock somehow. According to the dashboard clock it’s 1998. If you’re still in the lot can you get over here with a Slim Jim? You’d think there’d be a button somewhere that says here’s how you open the damn door, but I guess that’s too much to ask from a Chevrolet Impala.