Where there’s smoke, there’s the Tuna.

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Evil never retires.

From Armageddon Worried:

Dear Coach,

As the moral leader of the Patriots, how does it feel to have your players reaching up the skirts of unsuspecting women in order to grope their private parts? Clearly you’ve dropped the ball in the father figure department. And, according to Mike Reiss at ESPN, you’ve also “lost your fastball” on defense. What do you have to say for yourself? 

Prayerfully,

Tony Dungy

From the Playbook:

I understand your concern but you’re pointing the finger at the wrong guy.  Who do you think introduced Gronkowski to that hooker and Twittered their photograph all over the place? The same guy that brought Edelman to that club dressed as the cop from the Village People and spiked his Coors Lite with mescaline. The same guy who hazed rookies on those mid-’80s Giants teams by dropping them off in the Bed-Stuy projects in full pads and telling them to “clean up the trash.” How do you thing Lawrence Taylor got that crack addiction in the first place? It was Parcells, you moron. He’s everywhere.

Give Rivers a call.

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From: Rob@GronkNation

Coach!

I went for the easy score and now it hurts to pee.  What should I do?  RG

From the Playbook:

Jesus, Gronkowski. You probably deserve to get the clap on your bye week for that bonehead stunt. If you’re going to get goofy with a hooker, just leave the jersey at home, alright? Tom Brady doesn’t get photographed with his shirt off for any less than $100,000 a minute. What did you get, other than VD and a couple friends on Tweeter? Seriously, how many of your brothers do I have to hire to keep you in line?


 

Lawrence Taylor made some questionable calls, but we paid him anyway.

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From Don’t Touch that Dial:

Dear Coach,

I picked up my car from the shop and it was tuned to a Christian rock radio station. They fixed the car, so should I overlook it or take it somewhere else from now on? 

Thanks for your input,

Bob

From the Playbook:

There’s only one question you need to ask yourself at the end of the day, Bob: did they do their job? Lawrence Taylor routinely smoked crack on the sidelines, and he once played a whole game handcuffed to a hooker. But you can look at the stats: the better the crack, the better the sacks. He broke Terry Bradshaw’s ribs by throwing that hooker like a javelin. The man did his job and when a man does his job, he’s earned his paycheck. So pay your mechanic, even if he’s listening to Debbie Gibson. But if you find an undrafted mechanic who can do the same job for the league minimum, feel free to make the swap and wish your current mechanic the best of luck in his new career with the Oakland Raiders.