Chicken is chicken, but the Patriots are not the Red Sox.

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From Can’t Stop Talking Sox in Brockton:

Coach!

Alarm bells went off in my head when I saw this Patriots Today video of Aaron Hernandez eating chicken in the locker room! Once there’s chicken, can beer bongs, X-Boxes and John Lackey be far behind? I’ve already alerted Felger & Masserotti to the situation: they’re saying you’ve lost control of the team and the Patriots are headed for an epic collapse! 

Worried,

Stan

From the Playbook:

Stan,

Now that you mention it, John Lackey has been hanging around Gillette on Fried Chicken Fridays. One time he got Woodhead in a headlock over a drumstick they were both reaching for. When Woody pointed out that Lackey could buy 30 players at his salary and still have $1.5 million left over for snacks, Lackey tossed him in a vat of mashed potatoes and told him to “go cry to his daddy,” pointing at me. We were all pretty confused about it at the time. I heard he stole a LeapPad from Brady’s older son, then made fun of the younger one for wearing diapers. He kept calling him “Pedroia.” Those jai alai players are wound pretty tight. 

Anwar Al Awlaki: Out for the season.

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From Red White & Confused in Malden:

Dear Bill –

Been reading the papers about this Al-Alwaki business.  Since when does America kill traitors? 

Best regards, Robert E. Lee

From the Playbook:

I don’t know al-Awlaki from souvlaki, which is a Greek sport similar to jai alai. But when it comes to situational game-planning, what you want to do is find what they do best and take it away from them. Against the Cowboys this week that would be Jason Witten. Against Al Qaeda and other groups like that, that would be terrorists. Take away the terrorists, and what’s Al Qaeda going to beat you with? Those bombs don’t blow up all by themselves. The only difference between football and foreign diplomacy is that I’ll take Witten out of the game by double-covering him, while Obama took al Awlaki out with a drone missile. 

End of an era

Imgres-3

From tfrancona@bostonredsox.mlb.com:

Dear Bill.

Thanks for your call. It’s been a pretty bad couple of days. I’ll miss your visits to the dugout down in Fort Myers. It was always good talking strategy with you, even though I’m not sure you ever got that I coach baseball, not jai alai. I appreciate the Bon Jovi tickets, and after the smoke clears I’ll take you up on that offer of a fishing trip on the Five Rings. Maybe we can ram John Henry’s boat, the Two Rings, ha ha.

Out of here,

Tito

From the Playbook:

You got a raw deal, Terry. Those morons stuck you with a locker room full of Adalius Thomases and expected you to pull a rabbit out of the hat. I’m sure it’s no comfort to you now, but my understanding of it is that jai alai isn’t a very popular sport in general. Something about the goatskin balls — people get squeamish. I had Berj look into it and he says that it’s still pretty big down in Orlando. With your record I bet you can hook up with a squad — or a fronton — down there in no time. 

Don’t be a stranger,

Bill