Tebow you don’t.

From: chitchens@erstwhile.net

35828683-Christopher-Hitchens-feet-off-the-pedals

That’s afterliving.

Dear Bill,

 Regarding your victory over Tebow Time:

Thank you, Bill.  Just…thank you.

Regards,

Hitch

From the Playbook:

I’m reading this with a heavy heart knowing how dead you were when you wrote it, Chris. Glad I could bring a smile to your face — albeit post-mortem — by proving that Jesus is agnostic when it comes to football. Thanks again and say hi to my dad if there turns out to be anything after the fourth quarter.

Best,

Bill

Philip Rivers on Derrick Mason controversy: Keep it clean

Bill-belichick-derrick-mason

From PRivers17:

Coach, I can’t believe you used actual swear words when cussing out Derrick Mason in that sideline video I saw the other night. Like every other Christian man in America, Derrick is struggling with the need to preserve his chastity, and you added to his burden by telling him to go f*** himself. You said it three times — I counted. Now I’m a fired-up guy and I’ll throw down with anyone, but when I do I always keep it clean. Just ask Jay Cutler — when I get up in his grill I say stuff like, “Hey Poopypants, you made a doo-doo in your diaper and Jesus hates you for it!” or “Nice toss, Tinkle-Trousers! You were aiming for the potty but you missed the whole outhouse!” How hard would it have been for you to say, “Yee-haw, Mason, my wee-wee is bigger than your wee-wee and you’re a fanny bandit for Satan!” People would have respected you more for it and Mason would have spent the rest of the game worried about his johnson.

From the Playbook:

Fuck you, Rivers. Why don’t we talk after the game, alright?