Dear Uncle Coach –
Could you put in a good word for me with the Colts? You don’t need a spleen to play quarterback.
From the Playbook:
That’s where you’d be wrong, Chris. Look what happened to Drew Bledsoe after he got popped in the spleen. Four years of failure and he’s out of football, just like Eric Mangini. And Bledsoe had no problem with his other organs. You, on the other hand – – look, we’ve all driven stoned in the West Village, but getting caught? With your pregnant wife in the car? Seems like the spleen is the least of your worries. But I’ve already put a call in to Jim Caldwell, and if you can get there by Tuesday you’re third on the depth chart after Collins. You guys should have a lot to talk about: he’s been playing with a colostomy bag for the last five years.
Say hi to your dad for me,
Hey Bill –
How’s it feel to be the coach of a New England franchise that hasn’t won a recent championship? The Sox, Celts and now Bruins have all won after you.
Are you losing your touch? You haven’t won a playoff game since 2007! Still spooked by David Tyree and Spygate? The top movie in 2007 was “No Country for Old Men”. That’s how long it’s been since you’ve won a playoff game! Have you lost your fastball?
From the Playbook:
Thanks for your concern, Bill — I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when the AARP honored you for your commitment to keeping seniors in the workplace. Taking Kerry Collins out of that retirement home — that took a lot of compassion on your part. I have to hand it to you — your defense makes the Supreme Court look like a youth movement. And on top of that you’ve been a friend to the disabled: half your cap room is tied up in a guy with a broken neck. With these kinds of moral victories in your win column, who needs an actual win? Looking forward to seeing you in December,