Only a moron spills the injury report

Injury_report

From Babs@Babson:

My boyfriend dumped me last summer and since then he keeps calling and texting me “just to see how I’m doing.” Does this mean he wants to get back together?

Heartbroken,

Babs

From the Playbook:

 I wouldn’t count on it, Babs. He’s probably just trying to find out if and when you’re getting back in the game. Remember: you are under no obligation to reveal the extent of your injuries. If he presses the issue here’s how I want you to handle it:

Him: How’s it going, Babs? I heard you were crying at the bar the other night.

Babs: You’d have to ask the bartender about that.

Him: I would but it was a salad bar. Someone said you got the sneeze guard all wet.

Babs: I’m not really comfortable getting into a public diagnosis.

Him: Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? It sounds like you’re not really over me yet.

Babs: Everybody’s a little banged up this time of year.

Him: Can you be a little more specific?

Babs: I’ve had a little soreness. I don’t think it’s life-threatening.

Him: So when are you going to put yourself back out there? I’ve moved on and so should you.

Babs: It’s day to day.

Him: 

Babs: Is that what you’re looking for?

 

 

I think my phone might have got disconnected

Imgres-1

From: The RealRandyMoss81:

Coach,

Did you try to call just now? I thought I heard it ringing but when I picked up it was all dial tone. I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with this phone. You ain’t answered my texts either, so must be something wrong with the cell phone too. Did you get that Whitman’s Sampler I left on your car? I know you hate the fruit ones so I swapped that shit out for nougat. I be waiting in the parking lot like always, in case you need a freak to stretch the field and split that Buffalo defense. Got my gym bag packed just in case. Like I said I’ll take the league minimum as long as it’s…

Straight cash, Homey

Moss

From the Playbook:

If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.