Can’t beat costumes and candy

Randy-moss-as-spongebob

From TheRealRandyMoss81:

Coach,

What are we doing for Halloween this year? I booked the roller rink but I ain’t heard back from you yet about my costume idea. Just pick which one you want to be: Shaggy or Scooby. I got a deposit down already at the Big & Tall Store. Tom can be Fred, I got an ascot he can borrow. Vince say he’s going as Philip Rivers’ minivan. I’ma sew the Spongebob shirt up and use it as a treat bag.

From the Playbook:

Good call, Randy. I’ll let you be Scooby — animal costumes always get more candy. Right now I’m stuck in my car because I activated the child-lock somehow. According to the dashboard clock it’s 1998. If you’re still in the lot can you get over here with a Slim Jim? You’d think there’d be a button somewhere that says here’s how you open the damn door, but I guess that’s too much to ask from a Chevrolet Impala.

 

Stats are for losers, the final score is for winners

Imgres-2

From: Pats fan in San Diego

Coach,

I’m a Newton guy living in San Diego. Someone gave my kid a Darren Sproles jersey last season, and I let him wear it when they played the 49ers on his birthday. A moment of weakness. That ended okay when Sproles left, but what should I do now? My wife has even started wearing powder blues! It’s bad, coach. 

I should have taken out Philip Rivers when I saw him at the gas station this summer but he had 4 kids in his minivan. 

From the Playbook:

First off let me say that I have a lot of respect for the San Diego Chargers. They’re well-owned, well-coached, and well-conditioned. They can stack the weights, lift the weights, bench-press the weights and restore the weights to their original position. They also stand out in the equipment game. They’re very well-stocked with jerseys, helmets, fleecewear — you name it, they’ve got it. It’s tough for us to compete in the equipment game. It’s no secret that powder blue is a flattering color. Looking good in navy blue is a little tougher: Vince Wilfork is actually a very fit guy, but in our uniform he could trick-or-treat as Philip Rivers’ minivan. The first thing I’d do is pour a liter of Stetson on your family’s Chargers gear. The stuff attracts sheep but repels people, so if your son has a small build you’ll want to steer clear of the petting zoos. If this doesn’t work, you need to ask your son how he defines success. Is it a trash-talking Christian who advocates chastity but has six kids? A guy who racks up big passer ratings but can’t get past the playoffs? Or is it a guy with three Super Bowl rings and two sons by two different supermodels? It’s a tough call. If he’s still on the fence, you could let him stay up to watch Bill Belichick: A Football Life, premiering tonight at 9PM EST on the NFL Network. Then you can compare it to all the documentaries out there about Norv Turner.