Can’t beat costumes and candy

Randy-moss-as-spongebob

From TheRealRandyMoss81:

Coach,

What are we doing for Halloween this year? I booked the roller rink but I ain’t heard back from you yet about my costume idea. Just pick which one you want to be: Shaggy or Scooby. I got a deposit down already at the Big & Tall Store. Tom can be Fred, I got an ascot he can borrow. Vince say he’s going as Philip Rivers’ minivan. I’ma sew the Spongebob shirt up and use it as a treat bag.

From the Playbook:

Good call, Randy. I’ll let you be Scooby — animal costumes always get more candy. Right now I’m stuck in my car because I activated the child-lock somehow. According to the dashboard clock it’s 1998. If you’re still in the lot can you get over here with a Slim Jim? You’d think there’d be a button somewhere that says here’s how you open the damn door, but I guess that’s too much to ask from a Chevrolet Impala.

 

Ocho no-no

From @chadochocinco:

Coach,

Now that I’ve doubled my production on the field, I’m looking ahead to my first TD celebration. How can I express myself without getting Bruschi on my case?

In my playbook,

Chad

New_england_patriots_3cff

From the Playbook:

You should get excited after you make a play, but not so excited that you hide sombreros in the endzone. If you roll the tape you’ll see that we encourage players to express themselves after putting points on the board. As long as you choose one of the following approved victory celebrations you should be fine:

Handing the ball to the official

The gentleman’s handshake, as seen above

High-fiving Pat Patriot mascot

Pointing at Derrick Mason, then at the scoreboard

Saluting Minutemen on sidelines

The Gillette Leap, demonstrated here

Dancing on opposing team’s insignia, preferably if LaDainian Tomlinson is on the opposing team

 

 

Stats are for losers, the final score is for winners

Imgres-2

From: Pats fan in San Diego

Coach,

I’m a Newton guy living in San Diego. Someone gave my kid a Darren Sproles jersey last season, and I let him wear it when they played the 49ers on his birthday. A moment of weakness. That ended okay when Sproles left, but what should I do now? My wife has even started wearing powder blues! It’s bad, coach. 

I should have taken out Philip Rivers when I saw him at the gas station this summer but he had 4 kids in his minivan. 

From the Playbook:

First off let me say that I have a lot of respect for the San Diego Chargers. They’re well-owned, well-coached, and well-conditioned. They can stack the weights, lift the weights, bench-press the weights and restore the weights to their original position. They also stand out in the equipment game. They’re very well-stocked with jerseys, helmets, fleecewear — you name it, they’ve got it. It’s tough for us to compete in the equipment game. It’s no secret that powder blue is a flattering color. Looking good in navy blue is a little tougher: Vince Wilfork is actually a very fit guy, but in our uniform he could trick-or-treat as Philip Rivers’ minivan. The first thing I’d do is pour a liter of Stetson on your family’s Chargers gear. The stuff attracts sheep but repels people, so if your son has a small build you’ll want to steer clear of the petting zoos. If this doesn’t work, you need to ask your son how he defines success. Is it a trash-talking Christian who advocates chastity but has six kids? A guy who racks up big passer ratings but can’t get past the playoffs? Or is it a guy with three Super Bowl rings and two sons by two different supermodels? It’s a tough call. If he’s still on the fence, you could let him stay up to watch Bill Belichick: A Football Life, premiering tonight at 9PM EST on the NFL Network. Then you can compare it to all the documentaries out there about Norv Turner.